Tapas, Girl Dinners, And The Continued Case For Small Plates

If you've never had a panic attack provoked by the size of your meal, consider yourself lucky. There's a wave of fear that crashes over you, bringing numbers and shame with it. The narcissistic (but often right) idea that everyone around you is paying attention to how much you eat is paralyzing. Attacks like these don't happen to me as often as they used to, but it doesn't make the threat of them any less terrifying. 

Enter tapas. I heard about this food trend in the early aughts when Buffalo's food scene was its own microclimate of working-class cool. But tapas have a long, varied history, with many origin stories about the dish dating back to King Alfonso X of Castile's rule during the early 13th century. 

The story goes Alfonso needed to recover from an illness and was prescribed wine as an antidote. He was served small portions of food on the side to help prevent intoxication. Since this proved to be so effective, the trend caught on. Others say tapas started in taverns in Andalusia, where slices of bread or meat were used to cover glasses of sherry. 

Regardless of when the small plate tradition started, these mini-meals have often been what helps me eat on my hardest recovery days. 

The evolution of the small plate

Despite the popularity of tapas bars in Buffalo, the recession cut into food trend evolutions for a while. However, a 2013 consumer trends report found small plate and appetizer purchasing popularity rising. 

With their rising popularity comes creativity. Small plates aren't as big of an investment for your stomach or your wallet as entrees, so both chef and consumer can get adventurous. You'll find surprising, fresh -- and often surprisingly fresh -- ingredients mixed inventively. Brian Reinhart of The Dallas Morning News notes, "Small plates have become outlets for imaginative ideas and flavors so bold that they'd be overwhelming in a larger portion." 

For many, flavors don't have to be bold for large portions to be overwhelming. So, I'm elated when my partner suggests we split a few appetizers, or the restaurant we're at already is small plate friendly. Not only is there less food, but I can better lose myself in the food experience – something that's hard to do when trying to break disordered eating habits.

Enter Girl Dinner, the TikTok trend that stole the media's hearts earlier this year. Olivia Maher, a showrunner's assistant, was just being funny when she posted a video on TikTok of her "girl dinner." Talking to The New York Times, Maher explains the name comes from the fact these aren't meals you'd make for your partner. 

"We love eating that way," Maher says," and it feels like such a girl dinner because we do it when our boyfriends aren't around, and we don't have to have what's a 'typical dinner' — essentially, with a protein and a veggie and a starch." Girl dinner is permission to not think about what you should be eating and actually consider what you're craving. 

The dangerous side of girl dinners

TikTok creator Abby Sharp, RD, of Abbey's Kitchen, adds that "Girl Dinner" has good intentions. "It's a celebration of eating unapologetically for our own satisfaction, which is something a lot of women rarely do," she explains to Katie Couric Media.

 However, that satisfaction, especially among young creators, came from "dinners" with the same calorie count as a snack. 

The concern is that if you're consuming such a small amount for "dinner," what are you eating the rest of the day? Low-calorie or "starvation" diets (800 - 1200 a day) are extremely dangerous to your health. You can end up with abnormally low blood pressure, a slow heart rate, heart rhythm abnormalities, electrolyte imbalances, dizziness, trouble concentrating, depression, and anemia, among other health issues. 

The example Katie Couric Media pulls is a TikTok of a woman whose dinner is a soda from McDonald's, a single Babybel cheese, and a vape. The caption, "Now this is what I call girl dinner," flashes on the screen. As shockingly low as the calorie count on this meal might be, the behavior isn't groundbreaking. If anything, assuming there are calories in the soda is being generous. 

"A cigarette for dinner. How original," quips Luke, played by Alex Sharp, in Netflix's 2017 dramedy, To The Bone. During her stay at an unconventional eating disorder treatment center, Ellen, played by Lily Collins, skips dinner and is confronted by a fellow patient. 

His "how original" isn't him being dramatic; the "cigarette for a meal replacement" is a hunger hack replicated throughout pop culture. You can't consume anything about models or ballerinas without someone smoking instead of eating. 

But the risk comes in the performance. For so many of us, a big part of our eating disorder is showing how little we can survive with. Sharing #girldinner pictures itches that competitive scratch if we let it. Kate Willsky, senior content writer and strategist at virtual eating disorder treatment program Equip, tells Katie Couric Media that even if they're completely benign, "What I eat in a day" videos "can promote disordered thoughts and behaviors because of the comparison it stokes." 

How to do girl dinner the right way

But proving how little you can survive with is the antithesis of 'girl dinner.' Instead, Willsky says girl dinners are "an opportunity to think outside the box, to throw off any domestic expectations of obligatory cooking that you don't want to do, and instead to reach for whatever in your kitchen your body is craving." 

Sharp adds that when cooking yourself girl dinner, you need to go with food that makes you happy. 

"Some women derive great pleasure from the act of cooking, so their Girl Dinner might be a slow-cooked stew or pasta sauce," she tells Katie Couric Media. "Others hate cooking, so their dream Girl Dinner would be cereal and toast. Every dinner is a reflection of an individual's relationship with cooking and food, which is something we often don't even have time to acknowledge." 

When I asked Patricia Bannan, MS, RDN, and nutrition consultant for Icelandic Provisions, about girl dinners over e-mail, she mentioned how even pouring cereal is an integral part of the eating disorder recovery process. 

"Cooking simple recipes or even assembling a small plate of foods or snacks (such as a small charcuterie board) is a core part of rebuilding a healthy relationship with food" – as core as working with a trained professional is, Bannan adds. 

You can curate 'Girl Dinner' plates around what you like and want and what your body needs. So, eating a small plate can help fuel your body even if you don't feel hungry. When I asked her why consistent meals were so important, Banna wrote, "Learning to have consistent meals throughout the day is part of having a healthy relationship with food." 

She added, "Establishing a consistent meal routine that properly fuels your body every 3 to 5 hours is key to optimizing your nutrient intake, energy, and overall well-being."